I wonder wonder wonder...

Wonder versus Hope

“Don’t wish for it to happen.
Don’t wish for it not to happen.
Just watch it happen.
Let the wonder of life unfold.” 

– Susan Jeffers

I came across this very cool neuro-linguistic distinction on the difference between hope and wonder and have been playing with it, and it’s so life enhancing I wanted to share it with you!

The idea came from a blog by Stephen Mills: The Rat Race Trap - Tools to improve your mind and escape the trap:

“I got the idea for this article from Susan Jeffers in her book Embracing Uncertainty.  It really struck a chord with me.  The whole idea is that hoping, wishing, wanting, etc. opens you up to disappointment because you cannot control the future.  When what you hope for doesn’t happen, your hopes are dashed.  You then judge the situation as “bad” because it didn’t turn out the way you wanted it to turn out.  You are hurt, disappointed, frustrated, etc.

The idea is to replace your hopes with wonder.  Instead of hoping you’ll get a particular job you wonder if you’ll get that job.  Instead of hoping your partner will act in a certain way you wonder if they will act that way.  Instead of hoping your child will do well in school you wonder if they will do well in school.  Instead of hoping a certain thing happens, you simply wonder what will happen.  Do the same thing with wishing and wanting.

This immediately takes the pressure off of the future by removing the need for it to turn out a certain way.  You are free to let your life unfold in the way it is going to unfold regardless of your hopes and desires.  Wonder frees you from the anxiety of a specific outcome.

This is NOT about pessimism.  Pessimism sucks.  Hope is better than pessimism.  Wonder moves beyond hope and doesn’t open the door for pessimism.  If you had ask me a few years ago what I thought about all of this, I probably would have said it was total crap.  What a difference a few years make!”

Words are powerful!

Now as you know from many of my blog posts (e.g. Life Enhancing Language, De-nominalising your world, Positive Words are life enhancing, O-priming your life, Positive Emotion Words) words are powerful tools that we use to filter, construct and create meaning in our lives.

It is through words that we limit ourselves or alternately inspire and direct ourselves. So a distinction like the one above is a gem. It’s a fantastic insight and really does produce a very different response in your neurology. And I wonder just how often and how life enhancingly you will use this insight now!

Wonder is a creative emotion

According to Dr Gordon Coates, in his fascinating exploration of the origin of human emotions and how to relieve emotional distress, the act of wanting or desiring leads to a cascade of emotional and cognitive responses. Two key parallel cascades occur - hope that the outcome will occur and fear that it will not. This in turn leads to both happiness and sadness, which lead on to more fear and hope. These then loop back onto themselves, creating ongoing stress and suffering. This can be summarised as:

Wanting/Desiring -> Hope + Fear -> Happiness + Sadness -> Fear + Hope

and is displayed in Dr Coates’ diagram:

Note how this links to the distinction above about the potential negative neuro-linguistic effects of hope. And contrast this with ‘Wonder’, which is a creative emotion that does not lead to the parallel cascades of happiness and sadness, and so is more generative. Wonder opens the mind to possibilities and contains no fears of loss. Wonder connects to freedom and choice and flexibility. It creates fascination. It's creative. It’s life enhancing.

So I truly wonder how much you’ve enjoyed today’s blog post and I look forward to hearing comments and feedback on how you use this cool neuro-linguistic tool.

with life enhancing wonder,
Grant

Read more of Susan Jeffers' book:

Embracing Uncertainty: Breakthrough Methods for Achieving Peace of Mind When Facing the Unknown

Enhancing Life with NLP

Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP)

I've been studying, teaching and running workshops on Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) for over 20 years. In my experience and deeply from my heart, I can tell you that NLP provides a powerful and life enhancing set of tools, skills, attitudes and understandings. That's a big claim, isn't it? So why do I say it?

For over 25 years, NLP has been one of the fastest growing developments in applied psychotherapy. It is a technology of achievement and excellence, derived from studying how experts in different fields obtain their outstanding results. NLP provides models for human communication, learning and behavioral competence.

Science Digest reported that NLP: “could be the most important synthesis of knowledge about human communication to emerge since the explosion of humanistic psychology... It may be the ultimate behavioural engineering tool”.

NLP provides a set of models, skills and techniques for thinking and acting effectively in the world, through which you can quickly and powerfully change, adopt or eliminate behaviours in yourself and others.

In my experience...

In my experience of over 30 years of in-depth studying of everything from formal psychology through to mystical philosophy, I have found NLP to be the most profound body of knowledge there is about human process. NLP is practical and pragmatic. It works! And it is increasingly supported by research in the fields of psychology, positive psychology and neuro-science. Yet NLP is still ahead of the curve compared to many of these fields.

Personally, I find NLP to be a life enhancing body of knowledge and set of behavioral skills. I can't recommend it glowingly or highly enough! It has made a huge difference to my life. For example, using NLP principles and techniques I've developed a field called 'LifeDesign' which I use to create a wonderful life by design rather than by accident. I've taught other people LifeDesign and they've equally achieved wonderful results. I'll describe the process of LifeDesign in more detail in a coming blog entry. However, the point I want to make here, is that without the ideas and skills of NLP it would have been unlikely that I would have created the LifeDesign process. So NLP has truly made a difference to my life and the lives of others.

Learning more

For those who are interested in learning more, I suggest you stick your toes in the water and grab a couple of books. Once you get a feel and an idea for the power of NLP, then you'll want to do some courses with a reputable trainer. In addition, there's always resources available on the web.

And of course, continue to read this blog, as I'll be sharing ideas and concepts based on NLP and Positive Psychology for doing Life Enhancing :)

Recommended NLP Books

Here's my list of 'must read' NLP books, ordered in the approx. sequence I recommend they be read in:

Frogs into Princes - Richard Bandler & John Grinder

Using Your Brain For a Change - Richard Bandler

Reframing: Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the Transformation of Meaning - Richard Bandler & John Grinder

Trance-Formations: Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the Structure of Hypnosis

The Structure of Magic: A Book About Language and Therapy - Richard Bandler & John Grinder

The Structure of Magic II: A Book About Communication and Change - Richard Bandler & John Grinder

Introducing NLP: Psychological Skills for Understanding and Influencing People - Joseph O'Connor and John Seymour

Persuasion Engineering - Richard Bandler and Joseph La Valle

Grab one or two and have a read. See if NLP makes sense and adds value to your life. Let me know what you think. I truly believe that NLP is Life Enhancing and that if you give it a go, you'll find it opens your mind and attitude to amazing ways of experiencing the world.


Want to learn more, get a copy of my book: Avoiding the Enemies to HAPPINESS!

many great wishes and smiles,
Grant